Walking in the Light
This essay was first published in:
SKIVE MAGAZINE, “Memoirs” issue, September 2012
I love opera. The music, the singing, the spectacle. It envelops me in its
beauty and grandiosity, lifting me out of the everydayness of existence and
onto a magic carpet of vocal and visual splendor to a cloud of sublime
sensitivity. See—it carries me away verbally too. I don’t sing or act or play
a musical instrument (my efforts at the piano might be considered “playing
at” but not “playing”), and I don’t have a keen musical ear. My piano hasn’t
been tuned in more than a decade but I can’t detect the sour notes that must
be there; I don’t hear key changes or theme variations in music, try as I
might; and, the San Diego Symphony sounds just as good to me as the New
York Philharmonic. But this doesn’t stop me from enjoying it all. There’s a
saying that “those who can’t do, teach.” Make that: those who can’t play,
listen. But think of it another way, too: as saying that even if you can’t
pursue your dream or rise to a pinnacle of perfection, you can still be part
of it; it can still be part of you.
My father was an opera lover and used to see live performances as a
teenager in New York. He never made it to the Metropolitan, but he was
happy with less lofty venues, outdoor presentations in Central Park. My
parents married young, at 20 and 21, and between their bare-bones
existence and my mother’s disdain for classical music, dad had to make do
with scratchy LPs and Met radio broadcasts at low volume. He was my
champion when I played the piano with such promise as a child; it broke
his heart when I abandoned it in my teenage rebellion, replacing Beethoven
with Elvis, the “Moonlight Sonata” with “Blue Moon of Kentucky.”
But the seeds planted early took root and bore fruit. Rock-’n’-roll turned
out to be a short-lived phase; years of Chopin etudes ultimately carried the
day. As an adult I attended symphony and chamber music performances,
piano and vocal recitals. I went to a dinner-theatre performance of “Il
Trovatore,” a condensed production on a small stage with just a few soloists
and musicians, but the experience was kindling that sparked long-cold
ashes. A co-worker at the time sang in the San Diego Opera chorus and
would give me tickets to productions she was in. Her sportswriter husband
went with me just once; I had to elbow him awake when Grace appeared
on stage. But it captivated me, and I wanted more. I started buying tickets
for the occasional opera, graduating to season tickets these past fifteen
years.
When I retired from full-time work, my wish list didn’t include
extensive travel or expensive hobbies. When I worked I had money but
little time; now the situation was reversed. I planned to do volunteer work,
and San Diego Opera was a good candidate. I was fascinated with the idea
of doing something behind the scenes and helping in what were hard times
for arts organizations, and I knew that the company used supernumeraries,
recruited from the general public. “Supers” populate crowd scenes—carry
spears, wait on royalty—the ones called “extras” in movies. I submitted my
application and was invited to the next selection process. It’s more of a
cattle call than a talent contest or audition; being chosen is pretty much the
luck of the draw. Candidates line up while the director and wardrobe
manager pace back and forth, scrutinizing, looking for specific types to fit
the director’s vision and sizes to fit existing costumes. I hit the jackpot on
my first outing; I was selected to be a nun in the Easter processional in
“Cavalleria Rusticana.” My on-stage presence was to last about sixty
seconds: one of a multitude of worshippers, I would march in at stage right,
proceed to center front, turn back up the middle, then climb a stairway to
the chapel entrance which led backstage. That was it. But the whole
experience was a thrill, from costume fittings to staging and rehearsals with
the principals and chorus, seeing a work of art come to life. And, finally, to
be under the lights in front of audiences of 2,000 for four performances,
my husband and daughter among them on opening night. From their seats
in the upper balcony, I was indistinguishable from my nine saintly sisters,
all covered head to toe by habit and wimple, every hair tucked in. I had to
tell my entourage where to look: third pair from the front, on the right,
carrying a cross.
I’ve attended every “super call” since but haven’t gotten the nod again.
Beginner’s luck, I guess, and unfavorable odds. Unlike the scores of warrior
and soldier roles for men, there are few calls for female supers, and those
often specify young women to be ladies’ maids and pages. But I’ll keep
trying until they cast an all-ages crowd scene. Or need an experienced nun.
• • •
Because few will be chosen, prospective supers are asked to consider doing
light walking. Scrambling up and down ladders, climbing around on the
rafters, balancing on catwalks? Not for me. Then I learned that light
walkers stand, sit, squat, lean, perch, kneel, lie down, and move around on
stage so that the lighting can be fine-tuned without taking the performers’
costly time. Working behind the scenes with the production team and stage
crew, being on the sets? Sign me up!
And so it began, and so it continues. La Boheme, La Traviata, Rigoletto,
Turandot, Nabucco, Der Rosencavelier, Don Quixote, Don Pasquale. Over
the past three seasons I’ve seen the moving parts, the sets and furnishings
and props, the flaws and flourishes. In spite of its name, light walking is
often more stationary than mobile. I might stand in one place for what
seems like an eternity, staring into the dark house while lights beam and
shift on my face from different directions; this must be what police
interrogation feels like. The production and lighting directors sit in the
house about twelve rows back and issue instructions to the stage manager,
who calls them out: “Move five paces to stage right.” “Sit on the blue chair
next to the umbrella stand.” “Walk to the top of the stairs . . . stop for a
minute . . . now back down again.” There’s a lot of waiting too, sitting
backstage or out in the house during scene changes or while the crew moves
through its paces. Everything is orchestrated during and between acts and
scenes, with split-second timing like a NASA rocket launch. Nothing is too
minor to escape scrutiny, down to the placement of each wine glass, potted
plant or powder puff, and paint touchups that would be invisible to even
the most critical binoculared eye. I’m a volunteer, cherished and
appreciated, but if they asked, I would pay for this privileged inside
perspective.
January 2010. I walk on stage and am assaulted by red, intense Chinese
red—drapes, screens and scrims, a backdrop with crimson slashes in an
Asian motif. A blue bridge, sloping steps and curved red banister, at center
stage. This hit-you-over-the-head visual splendor is David Hockney’s set for
Puccini’s “Turandot,” the third act where Calaf sings “Nessum Dorma” and
has his fateful denouement with the icy princess. The set was commissioned
in 1992 by the Chicago and San Francisco Opera companies and travels
under contract from company to company. Several years ago I was at an
opening night performance when Hockney came on stage and took a bow
with costume designer Ian Falconer, who created Turandot’s regal gowns
and the long red robes worn by the ministers Ping, Pang and Pong that now
hang in the hallway.
The stage crew is hard at work, carpenters, electricians, painters, prop
runners. They’re not ready for us, so I’m sent to sit in the house. It’s a
madhouse backstage but mornings are quiet in the adjacent hallways,
unlike the afternoons when everyone’s scurrying around and the principals
might be in their dressing rooms, warming up their voices. I sit in the
center of the second row in front of the orchestra pit, a view I don’t get from
my balcony seat. I watch as a crew member is hoisted to the ceiling in a
small hydraulic basket to make some adjustments; this is what I had once
imagined light walkers doing. The other light walkers today are Michele
and Shia, both supers in the production as well, part of a crowd scene. I’m
envious, but they’re petite Asian women—clearly what was called for—
while I’m neither. On stage I’m asked to stand next to the blue bridge. I
shift from foot to foot, imagining myself in violet robes and an elaborate
black wig. Then I’m in motion: “Alice, cross up and over the bridge . . . go
to the back . . . a little to the left . . . now walk down, slowly . . .”
February 2011. I’m in a ballroom for Act III of “Der Rosencavelier.” The
faux marble flooring looks authentic from the house with veined black and
gray squares, diamonds and rectangles. I’m told that the set is an exact
reproduction of the one used in the 1911 world premiere in Dresden.
Ornate furnishings carry out the rose-dominated scheme with lots of froufrou,
gold-leaf cherubs, garlands, and an enormous chandelier that looks
like Cinderella’s coach.
My sidekick, Sharon, and I are shifted around various chairs, back and
forth between doors and windows. The stage manager asks us to stand close
together: “Clasp hands and look like you’re in love.” We face each with
mock moony faces. Set change: the chandelier is lowered, marble flooring
rolled up. The crew moves walls out and in, buffs floors, adjusts platforms.
Like the players onstage, their movements are smoothly choreographed. It’s
an orderly transformation in what appears to be a climate of respect and
chumminess.
They unroll a simulated carpet with a rose design. A dozen men and
women line up and walk its length, stomping it into place with steel-toed
work boots while others at the ends and sides tack it down. Elevated
“rooms”—a festooned and canopied bed in one, the other a dressing room
with shirred and tasseled bronze and gold draperies—glide in on rubber
wheels for the first act boudoir scene. The towering walls are in segments
that are rolled into place, then attached to each other; they teeter and sway
until loud clicks indicate they’re snapped securely together. Back on stage
I’m told to recline on the bed, feet up on the rust-colored satin-quilted
spread, fluffy pillows behind my head. One of the cushions keeps flopping
down. They can’t let this happen during the performance, so a trio of fixers
and fluffers decide to attach them to the headboard with Velcro. “But she
likes to move them around,” someone says, referring to the soprano; “Who’s
going to tell her that she can’t?” “You talk to her.” “No, you.” Divas’ fragile
egos require careful handling, like crystal vases. I’m moved around a
grouping of chairs; their colors shift as the lighting changes, from rose tones
to hues of peach daiquiri and blood orange cosmopolitan. Next I’m told to
lounge on a settee and, as the Marschallin, “Ponder your youth.”
From the stage I peer up, way up, to the balcony. I pinpoint my section
by the red Exit signs and the yellow dots of the aisle lights, like an airport
runway at night. It’s amazing that we can see anything on stage from the socalled
“nosebleed level,” even with binoculars, but the sound is rich and full;
we’re happy to be there. Opera tickets have been my big splurge, and these
Saturday nights—one a month from January through May—are cherished
events. Light walking has added a new perspective and heightened my
enjoyment. I’m more attuned to details, appreciative of the effort behind
the spectacle. And I can proudly point out to my husband and friends, “I
was there—on that chair, the bridge, yes, the bed too …” Since I stopped
working, tickets are even more of an indulgence, hard to justify during lean
times, and this year we give them up. It’s a painful loss, and light walking
becomes more precious than ever. It’s my lifeline.
March 2012. California gold-rush days, the Wild West, not what you
would expect for Donizetti’s Italian classic “Don Pasquale.” When I saw this
“shoot-’em-up” production ten years ago, the recasting of time and place
didn’t resonate for me, with its comic bawdiness, but now I enjoy the upclose
encounter with the stuffed bobcat, bear-skin rugs and other props that
create its mood and milieu. The first afternoon of light walking is a long
and fast-moving session—none of the usual “hurry up and wait”—and six
of us work through all four scene changes. I sit at a game table playing
checkers, lean against a bar in the saloon, and stand poised next to an array
of fake cactus in a garden.
In a bordello scene Don Pasquale sits in a claw-footed bathtub filled
with bubbles, surrounded by buxom beauties. The assistant stage manager
approaches me backstage and says, “You’re tall and have long legs; would
you be willing to get in the tub with your legs splayed out on either side?”
I say sure without hesitation—damn the discomfort, wait till I tell friends
about this one—as she reassures me, “There’s an elevated foam cushion to
sit on and a back rest.” When I’m called on stage, I approach the tub
gamely, ready to climb over the edge and lower myself in, until I look down
into four inches of murky, mustard yellow liquid, a chemical stench rising
out of it. Whoa, wait a sec! I think. I point into the tub and look out into
the void, my shrug a question mark. A voice says, “Oh, is there water in it?
Just sit on the edge, then.”
“The Barber of Seville” is the season finale. Light walking is its own
reward, but I know that volunteers usually are offered tickets to the dress
rehearsal of the final production. I’ve given them away in the past, but now
they’re frosting on the cake. I’m opera-starved, and Rossini’s comic
masterpieces are a brilliant pairing of buffoonery and breathtakingly
gorgeous music. Like an exquisite dessert: rich dark-chocolate lava torte
filled with oozing loveliness. I’m eager to hear the baritone chuckling
through the “Largo al factotum”: “Figaro, Figaro, Figaro …”
Next year’s lineup includes “Aida.” Grand opera at its grandest, a
sumptuous extravaganza with a huge cast. Hmm, do you think? Can you
see me as an Ethiopian slave? No, I can’t either. But I can still look forward
to walking in the light, posing against a pillar in the palace, sitting on the
banks of the Nile, or praying in the temple. Even to the accompaniment of
the stage manager’s instructions instead of the notes of the stirring march
or the soulful arias, I’ll have the thrill of being part of it all.
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You had me at “Light Walkers” — who knew? But your warmly remembered love of opera will stay in my mind at every performance I see from now on.